Forgiveness through the pain

Forgiveness through the pain

My story is not an easy one to digest, but it is one people need to hear. As a young girl I was groomed and sexually abused by a woman. What was not meant to be awakened until my wedding day, had already become an obsession at the young age of 13. I had been well and truly brainwashed; my abuser was someone that I trusted whole heartedly, and that I could go to about anything. She was my spiritual guide as well as my best friend. However, it took me five years to realise that she was manipulating me to get her sexual fix. Feeling uncomfortable yet? I thought so. 

One problem lead to another. I slept with multiple boyfriends to prove to myself and everyone else that I was straight. By that point, I was an addict, it was where my worth came from. Now, this isn’t a sob story and I will not bore you with the gruesome details. This is, however, a story of forgiveness. I had said I had forgiven my abuser a month after the police had got involved, knowing little that she would continue to abuse me on and off for the next 4 years. Only recently have I started my real path of forgiveness. I felt like I was ruined for anyone who had me next, I hadn’t had the chance to be pure, so I didn’t see the need to be pure anymore because it was too late. If you are somehow relating to this, you need to know you’re never too far gone for God. No, he can’t poof your virginity back but he can help you with temptation. Similarly, for anyone who has experienced abuse, he can take away the fear, the anger and the hatred that can be attached to sex. Sex should never be used against you. You should never feel obligated nor fear it.

Unfortunately, my story isn’t one of miraculous deliverance either. I am just a girl on a journey. Sometimes I question God because I haven’t seen my miraculous emotional, spiritual and even physical healing. However what I do see is what He has done for me. If you are like me and love a good Netflix prison documentary, you will have heard many a story about girls who were raped and abused when they were younger and went to drugs and alcohol and crime to solve their problems. However, I believe God was the only reason I was kept from that. God brought me through the self-harm and the self-hatred. I didn’t drop out or lose interest in school when I was being bullied because of my abuse. I carried on and came out with some of the best grades in my year. It was God who gave me the strength to do that. On my own, I probably would be on a Netflix documentary or 6 feet under. 

If I could get through what I have, you can get through what you’re facing. You may not see God working explicitly, but look at the little things He has done for you already and that will give you the strength and encouragement you need to carry on. –Stay Blessed

*If you are being sexually abused or believe someone is being abused, speak up. There is a freedom to be found in the truth.

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